At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
