he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize