i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
