So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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