sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
