I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
