Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This toilet bowl is my home.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
