I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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