mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
