i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
