Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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