Already got asked if we're dating
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
