I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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