Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
