I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
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New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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