Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
