Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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