We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
