Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
