My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
