idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
