WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize