literally had 100 drinks last night.
It's just like the Real World with babies
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
organizing the empties. That sober.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
