Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
