I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
