Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
