I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
