this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
