i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
