She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
