you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
