this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
