Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
