We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
