I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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