Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
