i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
