I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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