we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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