I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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