god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dick very happy bro
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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