I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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