Only a mothe r could love this liver
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
