Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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