You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
