She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
