Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
