dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
