it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
