Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
