I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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