Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
