I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
