oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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