and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
