I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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