Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
