where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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