Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
