And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
