Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
