I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
