Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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