and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
