Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
