I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
