your thong is hanging out like whoa
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
