You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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